New year, new me: Your pet’s resolutions for 2023
The beginning of a new year. It’s time to celebrate the last 12 months – and set some hopeful-yet-sometimes-unrealistic goals for the next 12.
But while you’ve been listing your resolutions, have you paw-ndered whether your furry (or scaly) friend has been doing the very same?
Spoiler alert! They have. So this year, we herded up pets of all kinds to hear about their self-improvement plans for the year to come.
Because even the goodest boys and girls love a bit of personal growth!
Your dog’s resolutions
This year, I will stop chewing my human’s shoes.
My human is so nice. They filled up the whole house with toys just for me! And my favourites are the toys that I share with them.
Like my human’s shoes! I just can’t help myself from chewing them. They smell just like my human, after all.
But sometimes, my human gets sad when I’ve loved on their shoes too much. Well, I don’t like to share all my toys either, so I get it.
So this year, instead of chewing my human’s shoes, I’ll just chomp on all the chew toys my human got me for Christmas. Everyone’s a wiener!
This year, I will let my human groom me.
According to the latest issue of Vanity Fur, long nails and matted hair are so last year.
Personally though, I really love the lived-in look I’ve been rocking. That’s why whenever my human came near me with the clipping and snipping tools – I’d go bark-ing mad.
But it’s time for a change. And hey, maybe with more baths I won’t scratch my tail as much! Oohhhh… is that why my human wants to wash me all the time?
Well then, bring on the grooming tools this year. And perhaps after a little makeover, the corgis will be yelping ‘Hello corg-eous!’ in my direction.
Your cat’s resolutions
This year, I will use my litter box.
I doubt Kitty Purry is doing her business in the middle of a crowded living room. I mean seriously, can’t a cat get a little privacy around here? For the love of kibble!
All I want is some peace and quiet when I use the little cat’s room. And preferably one or more clean trays. Thank you very much.
So if my human was to upgrade my litter tray, I would love to use it. (And not relieve myself on human beds as a silent protest…)
This year, I will find my Zen.
Okay, okay. Maybe I have a bit of a cat-itude. And maybe I take it out on my human’s furniture. But every mammal has their claws – I mean flaws.
That’s why this year, I’m aiming for good vibes all ‘round. I’m not going to let the small things stress meow-t anymore. And the best way to do that? By taking my dose of stress and anxiety relief!
I’ll also allow my human to spritz a no-scratch spray on the skirting boards (to spare them when I’m hiss-ed off).
But life’s all about give and take. And a cat’s gotta scratch. So if a scratching post happened to appear in claw’s reach, I’d slink right on over.
Your guinea pig’s resolution
This year, I will keep my cage clean.
Oh deary me. I really let myself go this past year.
I mean honestly, I’m a guinea pig, not a pig. So there’s no need for me to live in a sty! And I know all my rabbit, rat and mice friends agree. A hutch is not a home – until you make it one!
So this year, I’m going to take extra care to keep my space looking spick and spam.
I’ll get all new bedding, litter and maybe even a hammock, because my cage could do with a bit of wow factor. All my human’s friends are going to be so impressed!
Your bird’s resolution
This year, I won’t catch the bird flu.
Oh, don’t get me started. This one time, I got super sick because of some worm… or maybe it was a mite… no wait, was it lice?
Anyway, I was really flying under the weather. My human hated it. I was so sick that I couldn’t even say: ‘Polly want a cracker?’
That’s why this year, I’m stocking up on all sorts of worming, mite and lice tweet-ments. I hear this stuff is so good, they even use it in Duck-ingham Palace!
Your fish’s resolution
This year, I will invest in some mood lighting.
You know what they say – fish just want to have fun.
That’s why all the fun fish are pimping their tanks with light rods – and thank Cod for that.
Not only do they look cool, but these lights will boost the oxygen levels in my water. And they’ll boost my energy levels while they’re at it, for when it’s time to get a little cray.
So this year, I’m going to ride that wave right to the shore – by getting some of my very own fish tank heating and lighting! So go grab your clam-era. My tank’s about to be picture perfect!